January 4, 2012 - A Day of Peace

On the day that dad passed away, I had driven up to Walnut Creek to the John Muir hospital that dad had been staying in for 15 days.  It was in the morning, arriving there about 10:00am.  Getting to dad's room, Linda, Shannon and Hank were already there.  We spent a good hour talking to dad with some response.  Today he was also moving his right foot to respond.  The room was peaceful with nice music on.  The door was closed, Dad had been given a bath that morning and a change of fresh sheets.  It was a surreal time, for sure.  I feel it necessary to write my feelings of that day, as so I may refer to later and remember those feelings again.  It was a day that I could feel the Savior's love for our family.


A little after 11:00am, the nurse (Christine) and respiratory specialist came into dad's room.  It was time to remove the respirator from dad to see how he would do.  He had the respirator for 6 days.  At that point, they don't like to leave it in due to possible infection, etc.  I watched, and saw how difficult it was for dad to have it removed.  He had come to rely on the machine for a couple of days with none of his own breathing.  When removed, he gasped for a bit to get air.  Shannon got a washcloth and warm water to wash his face.  He liked that.  She also got a little sponge with water to moisten his mouth.  His mouth had become so dry with the tube.  It had been in for so long that his mouth was a bit misshapen and we rubbed there to get some circulation going.


In this quiet and peaceful room, we talked amongst ourselves, bringing up many memories with dad/grandpa.  There was a sweet feeling in the room and could almost feel the room getting full of people.  I have no doubt that there were many spirits gathering for his welcome to the other side.  There was a warm feeling in the room.  I'm sure they were comforting to dad as he left this earth behind and entered into their presence.  I have a picture in my mind of family and friends greeting him and helping him feel comfortable in his new surroundings.  There are times when I wonder what those surroundings are like.  However, I will be patient and wait for a much later time to find out.


As the time went by, dad hung on and surprised us.  We watched the monitors as his stats went down, and down.  About noon, Shannon and Hank went to have some lunch in the cafeteria.  When they came back to dad's room, Shannon said she felt it was time for her to go, and say goodbye to grandpa.  Shannon and Hank left a little after 2:00pm.  It wasn't ten minutes and dad was gone.  We were worried that we let Shannon go too soon.  However, the nurse said that in her experience, there are many times when after certain people leave the room, the patient passes quickly.  Linda and I wonder if this was the case.  Either dad didn't want Shannon to see him pass, or dad just wanted Linda and I to be in the room.  Whichever it is, I had an amazing experience when he did pass.


We were listening and watching dad take his last breathes, and they got fewer each minute to minute.  He was taking about 3-4 breathes a minute.  I had learned about the "death rattle" that those that are dying make, some time ago.  I could recognize that this is what was happening with dad.   I made sure to tell him during this last bit of time, how much I loved him, and I knew he loved me too.  I expressed my testimony again and told dad I would see him on the other side sometime, but to go and find mom.


As dad took his last breath, I could literally feel his spirit leave his body.  The instant he passed, there was a quick change in his body, and became just the shell his spirit was living in.  It was a shell that served him well in life.  The color immediately left his face and appeared almost a grayish-white.  Dad had fairly good health until the last few years.  I was grateful that dad was able to stay in his own home, until his last days.  He still drove, and was very independent.


I will never forget the peace I felt at my dad's passing.  The day turned out to be one of the most spiritual days I have had.  I think that is why I say it was a privilege to be there.  I will really miss dad.  I missed calling him for his birthday yesterday.  I will miss having him call me on my birthday, or Mother's Day, or any time without a reason.  Dad was a very gentle and kind man.  Where ever he went, he made people smile.  He was very generous with his friendship, and had many friends.


I will miss you dad.


Love,
Jenette